Gabriel just keeps moving forward - he had another excellent blood gas this morning and he was weaned from 5 liters of vapotherm to 4! Has it really been almost a week since he came off the vent? I think I am finally feeling comfortable that he really going to stay off of it! Once he is weaned from vapotherm, the next step (if he still needs some help) is oxygen - which he can go home on! No word yet on morphine or versed weaning, but Marcia says they haven't heard anything from surgery today. He got last night's dose of morphine about 45 minutes late and he wasn't upset about it - in fact I was holding him and he was dozing! Hopefully that is a good sign that he will maybe go to every 6 hours today instead of every four, and tolerate it ok. We have a new neonatologist starting today, didn't quite catch her name (the neos rotate every three weeks). Hard to believe we have been here long enough to be on our fourth neonatologist (well, the first one rotated out after three days). The non-nutritive nursing is going well, which is important to me, so I am excited.

I talked to Josh last night before bed and we were kind of reflecting on more conversations we each had with our nurses over the weekend. Particularly more admissions of amazement on how well he is doing, considering where we started. We constantly hear him being referred to as a miracle by people who work miracles probably daily. Josh commented on how amazing it is to hear these people refer to him as miraculous, considering where they work. Gabriel is so alert and so expressive now, it is just amazing. When he is awake, there is always somebody at his bed side, talking to him and smiling at him. I know he gets plenty of attention when we are not there, which is so heartwarming and reassuring. Monica, a nurse in the module who has never been his nurse but was ECMO tech the first night he was on ECMO, mentioned that "somebody else" has been in control. We know that is certainly true. It is hard to understand why some babies live and some don't (we highly suspect another baby died in our module - and that is why it was closed Friday evening and all day Saturday. Josh was sitting with Gabe when a new, tiny baby came in Friday evening and wasn't there when the module opened again on Saturday). I don't have an answer for that. There is a mother I have been posting with on another site who had a baby with a DH who did not survive. She says she believes Allison is in heaven praying for other babies with the same problem. People have told us how courageous they think we have been - and we thank you for that faith - but that is more courageous than I can imagine, allowing your child to go peacefully. We were preparing ourselves for that possibility and doing our best to hold it all together, but that is certainly not the same thing as atually having to let go. My heart aches for these families, and at the same time I am selfishly grateful I am not them.