Momentous Anniversary

The significance of this date has been on my mind all day. I was a bit emotional when I first arrived at work this morning, but was fortunately able to get a grip! I think the best way to honor this date is to replay "Gabriel's Song", written by Dave Knopsnyder - Josh's uncle. The slideshow includes pictures from birth to his homecoming, so it is fitting. I am going to get emotional again, so I am going to let Dave's beautiful words (from Gabe's point of view) finish for me.

Developmental Peds appt

Yesterday's appt with Dev. Peds was fairly quick and uneventful - which is a GOOD thing! The nurse practitioner was pleased with Gabe's social skills - he smiled and flirted most of the time she was in there. We discussed his milestones and typical eating patterns (I say "typical" b/c the last week hasn't really been typical) which she was also very happy with. After looking at Gabe and checking him over, she was relatively unconcerned about the head trauma incident, simply commenting "it happens" and even related a quick story involving a broken bone with the parents right there. Gabe was certainly much more himself yesterday than he had been all week. Between headaches and upset tummy from his fall and a very stubborn front tooth, he hasn't been his usual, happy and adventurous self. His OT was concerned enough on Wednesday when she saw him that we wound up in the pediatrician's office for some reassurance, especially since we were heading out of town. Our pediatrician checked him over thoroughly and was satisfied Gabe was fine and would hopefully perk up soon. He did and enjoyed a visit in the NICU as well as his first ride on the People Mover. Justin and Kendrick were very excited to finally show their little brother how they spent last summer at Riley. I think they were also excited he could join them this time- ok that "hallmark moment" was more me than than them, but they did comment that it was Gabe's first time.

That afternoon, while Gabe napped and the older boys played with Rex (their new "puppy cousin") Josh got us some new tires. We had a nice blow-out on I-70 at about 9:30 Wednesday on our way up to Indy. Josh had to change the tire, in the dark with semis and other traffic whizzing by while I watched for errant drivers that may pose a threat. I'm not sure exactly what I was going to do if I saw somebody headed for our spot on the side of the interstate, but it felt somewhat useful, so I did it. We now have four new tires and a working flashlight in the van. Live and learn.

rough night

At the moment the older boys are watching 'Finding Nemo', their newly anointed favorite movie, and Gabe is sound asleep. It's a stark contrast to what was going on at this time last night. Let me start by saying everything is ok now. Here's the rest of the story.

Last evening pretty much started out like any other. Josh had just left from his dinner break to go back to work, the boys were all playing in the living room. I looked out the window and noticed the rain had stopped and after checking the radar, determined it might be nice to go for a walk/bike ride in the neighborhood before getting everybody ready for bed. The boys excitedly replied with a "yeah!!" when I asked if they wanted to go and quickly (for them) picked up the toys littered about the room. Justin and Gabe were sitting in the middle of the living room floor and I mentioned to him I was going down the hall to change into some shorts and to let me know if Gabe started getting into anything. A short time later I heard a loud "thud" and Gabe crying. As I walked back into the room, Gabe was lying in his back crying, so I surmised he fell backward and hit his head. The boys were acting a little strangely, but I was more focused on Gabe. I did ask what happened, but didn't get any response (Kendrick did reply that he had nothing to do with it). Gabe wasn't settling down as quickly as he usually did and then he spit up the milk he had just had. That is pretty common for him when he gets worked up, so I didn't think too much about it. I was more concerned that he wasn't settling down and after a few minutes decided that we should head over to the ER and have him checked out. About that time, Gabe went limp in my arms and his eyes rolled back. I'm not ready to relive it all, but at that point I went for the phone and begged for an ambulance. I know the older boys didn't understand what was so different about this bump to the head and were alarmed and confused I was dialing the number they had been taught and coached to call only during emergencies. I couldn't do anything to calm their fears at the moment when it was all I could do to keep my own escalating panic under control. Josh was called, the ambulance arrived and the concern on the EMTs' faces didn't give me the reassurance I was hoping for. Quickly we were all en route to the ER and our early moments there weren't any more comforting. We were constantly having to wake Gabe up and the desire to fall to pieces was edging in closer. Finally he was stabilized and and whisked away to the CT scanner, so Josh and I took the opportunity to go check on the big brothers. As I sat down next to Justin, who has always been very sensitive, my heart broke as he asked, "How much trouble am I in?". At the time I thought he felt responsible solely because I left him and Gabe alone together, but he admitted later to Grandma Maggie that he had picked Gabe up, who had then pitched forward and hit his head. He hadn't fallen backward like I thought, and he was higher off the ground than I initially thought, which explained why things were more serious than I initially thought as well. Guilt and fear make a nasty couple in a parent's mind and heart. Guilt for leaving Gabe alone, even if it wasn't for long, and guilt that Justin felt guilty when he shouldn't.

*Excuse me, just returned from checking Gabe. I am coping with a bit of paranoia - no more monitors in the house - durn it.

Anyway, Gabe returned from the scanner and we soon learned there was bleeding the frontal area and it was clear everyone was worried. Before long we were talking with the surgeon and the ER doctor was paging a neurosurgeon and the pediatric intensivist. Somebody (I don't remember who now) said something about transferring him to Riley - I am hanging on by a thread at this point, Josh is keeping me together and reassuring me as best he can. I am sure he is struggling as well by now. The events at this point are blurred together. At some point one of the male nurses who had gone to check on the older boys and Grandparents came in and informed us that Justin really wanted to see his brother and asked if it would be all right. He went back to get Justin for us, who didn't leave Gabe's side the rest of the time he was there. He talked to all of the staff in the room with Gabriel, asking questions and sharing his own knowledge, acquired from the NICU staff at Riley. He commented on he O2 sats on the monitor any time they changed at all. Fortunately that was always excellent. Even when we left the room to talk to somebody else, Justin stayed right by Gabe's side. Eventually Dr. Cobb, the neurosurgeon was reached and he was able to view the CT from wherever he was. He told the ER doctors that the bleeding wasn't severe enough to warrant a transfer to Riley and that he would be in to talk to us soon. Finally we felt an slight ease in the tension. Eventually Dr. Cobb did come and assured us that the bleeding was minor and Gabe would be fine. He agreed that Gabe should spend the night in the PICU for monitoring, but everything should be ok after that and we didn't even need to see him again unless one of the other doctors thought so. He did mention that the listlessness we observed in Gabe earlier was probably seizures, but this was typical and should resolve without any medical intervention.

We finally made it to a room upstairs and got settled in. Gabe was not happy having his iv messed with and gave the nurses an watchful eye any time they entered the room after that. Unfortunately they didn't want him to eat over night so it was long before tired baby + hungry baby = angry baby. He finally slept from 1-3 AM, but when he woke up at 3, there was no consoling him. Around 4, they brought us an 8 oz bottle, which was gone shortly after that. He fell into a deep sleep and we didn't hear a peep out of him until around 7:30 or 8. I managed to sleep a little in the "extra-comfy" hospital recliner. Things happened pretty quickly the next morning and we were home before lunch time. He has been tired and a little grumpy and clingy today, but all in all, no worse for the wear. It is now about two hours later than when I started typing and he has since awakened, had a little snack and gone back to bed.

This could've been (and for a while appeared to be) a lot worse and once more we are humbled and thankful for where we are tonight. Thanks for your prayers and support once again, and always. Keep praying that we see no more ill effects from this incident. Justin is also fine. We were worried about him for a while too, but he is in good spirits tonight celebrating the loss of his third baby tooth! I am now waiting for him to fall asleep so I can watch for the tooth fairy for him.