On the Eve

It has been a busy week. All the usual applies, but we have also had a kindergarten graduation (TOO cute), last day of school, family in from out-of-town and preprations for the party. Sleep has been on short supply, so I have a goal to keep this short. It's always good to have a goal. I finally finished our Riley Scrapbook this morning, so it will be on display at the party. I had hopes of also displaying his general baby scrapbook, but it is currently only completed through August. I did the Riley book digitally and the baby book is conventional/paper, so the latter may take a while to complete yet. While I have been working on the scrapbook, I have taken many trips back in time. Have you ever been in a crisis type situation, done pretty well considering and then felt like falling apart when it was all over? Sometimes I think I have been on the verge of falling apart - like the cracked vase held together with duct tape. Working on the book, trying to put our story on paper with pictures, remembering the emotions and the roller coaster ride...looking back over the vigil we kept in the hospital and even after we brought him home with dire warnings and predictions of a rough cold and flu season, worrying over every decision and struggling with the responsibility. Most of the time we have stayed positive and just enjoyed where we were, trying to take each day as it comes. It has been the easiest way to stay sane for me. Looking too far ahead seemed too daunting and looking back at times was too difficult. But when I do look back and then try to look too far ahead, sometimes the weight of it all becomes nearly suffocating. So often we hear from people, "I don't know how you do it" and always reply "We just do - do what we can because...well, what else is there? We love our children and we do what we know how to do and try to figure out the rest". That is still true, every word, but in these past weeks of looking back, reflecting, reliving at times...I wonder how we got through it too - and I lived it. Ofcourse I know the answer, the truth of the matter, but I still wonder at it. How did we hold it together? We had our moments, and I have tried to be honest about that. The goal of this has always been to be honest. I won't say I have bared it all, others are better at that than I am, but I have tried to share all that I could to those of you who have stood by us, ached and celebrated with us. We owe you that much.



Tomorrow he will be a year old. It seems unbelievable that a year has passed. As this day has approached, there has been a mixed sense of relief and acknowledgement that it has been a complicated year of joy and tension. Raising children under any circumstance carries tremendous responsibility, that is not a secret. This past year has given us an appreciation of our healthy children and what a miracle they all are, no matter what they bring to our family. It has been a journey through uncharted territory and we navigated as best we could through every obstacle. We haven't been alone on our journey. We may have each had weak moments where we felt alone, frustrated and tired. We know that even those moments we were loved and supported and feeling that way is just part of the journey. We were never alone, and that is the answer. He guided our footsteps and thoughts through a thicket of self-doubt and uncertainty until gradually the thorns were shorn away and the path seemed a bit clearer. He sent us angels on earth to give us what we needed when we needed it most - a patient ear to listen, a handshake or gentle touch at just the right time, a phone call with a voice on the other end bringing peace. Our friends and family have been our glue and we are grateful. I think I'm done. Thanks for listening, as always.