What a beautiful day, how good I feel today. It may not be quite as warm as was predicted, but still... to be outside with only the lightest of jackets, the warm sun on my face, I have been longing for this. This morning I took Kendrick to his sports clinic at the Y and afterwards we went outside to play on the little playground with a couple of the girls in his class. Both Justin and Kendrick have been begging to play there every time we go, but either the equipment was snow covered, it was bitterly cold or the ground was water-logged and muddy. I wouldn't call myself fastidious by any means, but the thought of two boys rolling around in the mud and then climbing in the van....well it is just too daunting for me. Anyway, I digress (big surprise). We were playing on the playground and I got to talking with the Mother of the little twin girls Kendrick was playing with. We were talking about the usual "Mom on the playground" stuff, whatever that is, mainly busy schedules, kids in preschool and kindergarten, finding time to exercise, etc...somehow she knew we had a third boy and I mentioned that being unable to take him to the Y daycare had been somewhat prohibitive in my exercise routine (I know, excuses!) and she asked why...such a simple question, poor woman. I think I did a good job hitting the highlights and restrained from heaping too much information on her. If she won't make eye contact with me next week, then I'll know I said too much. We actually had a nice conversation (yes, conservation, as in NOT one-sided) and she mentioned friends with children who had rare medical conditions and how grateful it made her that her own children were healthy. I told her that even though Gabe had a pretty rough start and we were aware there would be issues in the future, we were incredibly and unbelievably grateful he really is so normal. She asked lots of questions about Riley and living at the Ronald McDonald House, so I must not have put her off. Again, we'll see if she talks to me next week.

Now Gabe is napping (he didn't nap well earlier and was really grumpy with Ginger - OT). He did do well on his four-points exercise (see the picture above), but wasn't too enthusiastic about anything else. Still, there was some progress. Josh took Kendrick along to pick Justin up from school and then on to tumbling at the Y. So there is peace in the house, which is a little odd at this time of day. I brought a basket of whites to fold into the living room and decided to turn on some songs from itunes, rather than turn on the tv. It seems to take me an hour just to fold socks if I am watching tv too. Somehow I wound up sifting through some songs online (as the socks sat, unfolded, in the basket - aren't I efficient?) and stumbled across a song I had heard before, but never really listened to. I think it has been used on Grey's Anatomy before. I googled the lyrics (again, as the socks sit) and then just had to purchase the song. I pasted an excerpt below. The conversation with a stranger and then stumbling across the lyrics took me on a little trip back to our first night in the NICU. I don't dare look back at the pictures today, maybe tomorrow. Most days are just moving through our routine and those early days seem more like a bad dream, but then there are other days where those memories and emotions creep back in. It isn't as traumatic as it used to be, to remember. Most of the time anyway. Usually when I take a trip back in time now it is more as an observer and I can appreciate where we are now. But at other times....when I let myself think too much about how things could have been...well I don't do that on purpose and certainly don't plan to do it now. I have socks to fold and don't intend to blow my nose on them. Hope you are enjoying this beautiful day, but since I am probably in the minority of people with a Thursday off, well, hopefully you can grab an hour or two after work to enjoy it.

One more thing I keep forgetting to mention. Josh is officially, and finally, a sargeant. He started on Monday, with his promotion ceremony set for March 24th. We are very proud of him, especially since he had to give up the work he loved in K-9 to accept the promotion. We know he did it for his family and our future, but it was still a difficult decision. The boys still say prayers for Brix at bedtime and in mass. They miss him too.

Breathe In, Breathe Out as performed by Mat Kearney

Hold on, hold tight

If I’m out of your sight

And everything keeps moving on, moving on

Hold on, hold tight

Make it through another night

In every day there comes a song with the dawn

We push and pull

And I fall down sometimes

And I’m not letting go

You hold the other line

Cause there is a light in your eyes, in your eyes

There is a light in your eyes, in your eyes

Breathe in and breathe out

Look left, look right

To the moon and the night

Everything under the stars is in your arms